Who Am I?

"When I'm with my friends, everything is fine. I smile, I laugh, we have a great time. What no one knows is, my life is a wreck. I cry myself to sleep, wishing I had someone to talk to. I feel so alone. No one understands. No one listens. I wake up every morning, put on a fake smile, and run through my day, like my life is perfect. I look like the picture of happiness, but on the inside, I'm a mess. I look in the mirror and say, 'This isn't me.' Is there anyone out there who can help me? Am I the only one who feels this way?"

Have you been that person before? I have.
Have you ever had those days when it seems like everything goes wrong and you can't do anything right? I have.
Have you ever cried yourself to sleep, worrying about tomorrow? I have.

There was a time in my life when everything seemed wrong. I was the girl looking in the mirror saying, "This isn't me."
There was a time when I thought I could fix everything. "If I could just do *this* then things would get better." "If I could just act *this* way, my life would turn around." I didn't want to ask for help, I wanted to fix things on my own. I thought I could do it, but I was wrong.

Then one night I was lying in bed, feeling so down, so hurt, I started crying. There was no stopping it. All the pain, all the hurt, just poured out right there. I told God that I was sorry. I was sorry for the way I had acted. I was sorry for deserting Him. For thinking I could go it alone. That I could fix everything. I asked Him to forgive me for not trusting Him. Then, it happened...

Healing.

I felt all the worry, all the sadness, all the hurt just wash away. Instead of crying, I was now smiling. I started singing. Yeah, even with Narthea, out like a light in her bed, next to mine. In fact, Narthea being asleep didn't even cross my mind (haha, no, she didn't wake up:). I can even tell you the exact songs that I sang: As the Deer, Worry Is the Lamb and Mighty, Mighty Savior. I was so happy because I knew that I was forgiven, and I didn't have to bear the weight of my sin anymore.

I'm crying, even now, as I type this. Partly because I am so grateful that He showed me what I was doing wrong, and partly because this is hard. It's hard to admit that I'm not... perfect. Even though I'm sure you all know this, it's just hard to admit it. To say that I was broken once. I wasn't living my life the way I should have, and that hurts. But my joy overwhelms my sorrow. I'm so thankful that I was raised up in the knowledge of the Lord, and that my God saved my mom and dad, many years ago, before I was born. I'm so glad that He saved me.

Who am I? I'm a sinner, saved by the grace of my truly amazing Heavenly Father. I'm a girl who didn't deserve what my Savior did for me, but He did it anyways. He loved me, even when I didn't deserve it. And when I was broken, He put me back together, and He keeps putting me back together.

Who am I? I'm a mended heart.

So if you're reading this and you too have a broken heart, I hope that my small testimony will help you in some way. God can do anything. He can take a broken, shattered heart, and put it back together again. He did it for me and He'll do it for you. :)